Battled the cancer demon with Chocolat for around 7 months and lost him on the 3rd of August. He was not just a pet dog, but he is like a family and a friend to me. I still miss him a lot…

Work was not all smooth either and also did not have much time and energy to work on my online shop. 

Neglected my blog.

Will 2011 be a better year for me?

On a lighter note. I got 2 Syrian hamsters in Nov 2010.  I named the SH Silver Grey one Peter, and the LH Cream one Albert. They are really funny and cute. Will I be getting another dog soon? Not for some time I guess, or just leave it up to fate. I got Chocolat by fate too I guess.

Got a free laptop from my bro in Jan 2011.

Sponsored trip to Taiwan from 13 to 21 Jan 2011 by elder sis.  

I hope 2011 will be a good year.

Inevitable ups and downs at work as usual. Not exactly crazy about my main job or rather the environment I am in. Forced under circumstances and hard to get out.

Don’t really have much time for my online shop. Suppliers/manufacturers (good or bad ones) are all located so far away. Bad one really makes me want to vomit blood. Don’t wish to elaborate further for now.

Travel plans all postponed for the next 6 months or longer.

THE WORST THING IS, Chocolat has cancer. Lymphoma. Swollen nodes detected on 3/2/2010. Biopsy done on 4/2/2010 (Thurs) and result only came on 1st week of March delayed due to CNY(by phone call and fax only some more)! Anyway, normally it will take 2 weeks to get results. 2 WEEKS!!!! Some dogs would have already died if it’s serious! So inefficient. Singapore needs much better animal facilities! No vet oncologists, not enough good holistic vets, etc. AND THEN, the vet in charge got to go on leave, delaying for another 2 more weeks!

I have not told many people regarding this. Even took me awhile before I actually let my whole family know about it. I was really devastated when I first found out and did not know how to talk about it without breaking into tears and I don’t think I can handle the questions that would be asked. Thus initially I just kept it all to myself, and Monki who is very supportive. He has been driving Chocolat and I to and fro the vet whenever he could and running miscellaneous errands. YJ also knew about it soon after and has shown great concern to Chocolat. Up till now, only a handful of people are aware of it. Queen of  Masquerade, that’s me. There’s a locked post here in Feb which is about this. Too emotional so it shall remain locked.

It took lots of consideration before I decided to put Chocolat through chemotherapy. I am worried that he might not be able to take the treatment. Some people do not like chemo and given a choice, they would do it even if it is on themselves as the process is torture. Some people will do it for a chance of survival. Not surrendering to death, not without a fight. Dogs that achieve remission are reported to extend their life for up to 18 months more before the cancer comes back again, stronger. On very rare cases, the cancer will be gone for a long long time or for good. It is also said that the side effects on dogs are not as terrible as on human beings. Some may think that it is not worth it to spend so much time and money for just 18 months of un-guaranteed life, but 18 months is a lot of time for a dog. It is roughly 10% of a dog’s life which equals to around 7-8 years of human life. It was a tough decision to make and I really want the best for him. When the day comes whereby Chocolat is suffering too much, not showing good results and not having a quality life, I will stop the treatments.

The protocol (multi-drug) is a series of treatments carried out over 6 months whereby 5 types of drugs will be administered alone or in combinations. Expenses aside, there will be a lot of committment needed during this period of time thus I will have little time and energy for my online shop and other miscellaneous stuffs. I am required to bring him down twice a week, one day to take his blood for testing and the other to bring him in for treatment if blood count is ok. After 4 weeks there will be 1 week break. This will continue for a few rounds then it will be treatments every alternate week till the end. I will also need to monitor him closely during this period of time. Drugs must be self-purchased from National Cancer Centre with the vet’s authorized prescription. So that means after the vet called with blood test results, I will have to go down to NCC the next day to get the drugs and send it to the vet to refrigerate for the following day use. Lots of time is also put into reading and researching about lymphoma and diet suitable for cancer dogs undergoing chemo. I need to know what he is fighting against, what WE are fighting against.

Chocolat is supposed to be on his 4th treatment today. But has only went for 1 on 25/3/2010 and I had already been to the vet 7 times. He started to show side effects on 30/3/2010 night with really bad diarrhea, some vomiting and fever. Put on drip on 31/3/2010 evening until 3/4/2010 afternoon. Treatment #2 had to be delayed a week. I had half a mind to stop his treatments but then he was recovering well, taking bits of food throughout the day and fighting to regain his strength, and then he bounced right back to health on 5/4/2010 after vet reviewed and postponed his treatment for another week just to make sure he will be fit enough. He ate well, gained weight, and apart from excessive shedding and panting, you couldn’t even tell he is sick.

This Tuesday he started to act weird again. Ate a little less enthusiastically than usual. Then refused to eat and had diarrhea yesterday, just a day before he is due for Treatment #2. It is not as bad as the previous time but enough for me to worry and for the vet to postpone the treatment yet again. He seems to always have some problems just before treatments. Is he trying to tell me that he doesn’t want to do it? Yet he always shows no signs of unwillingness and nervousness when I bring him to the vet.

During this period of time, I am very lucky to have found a group that provides great advice and moral/emotional support. We really understand what one another is going through and even though we are continents apart, I really appreciate having them.

Right now, Chocolat is curled up snugly in his bed. He is still not eating despite his rumbling stomach. Responded when I was opening his treats but turned away in the end when I handed it to him. Appears fine though other than loose stools, just a little less perky than usual. Hope he starts eating soon.

This is the first time I am dealing up close with cancer. Though I’m not the one who has cancer, it is all the more heartbreaking to have someone dear to me going through this pain as compared to having to go through it myself. I have somewhat managed to keep my emotions under control most of the time. I don’t wish to let my depression and stress affect Chocolat. It is best to let him be in a happy and positive atmosphere.

*PS: Those who bothered to read through my lengthy post and think that it’s a big fuss for ”just a dog”, please take the lift to level -18H.

Storing away the sundresses and fedora for the time being. Looking forward to seeing them soon. (Well, actually I can still wear the sundresses in Singapore. Haha.)

Will the boots and coats have a chance to come out and play when it’s their season to shine?

Featuring my first ErinChocolat Label Dress – Lace Spring Frock. Made of quality lace and cotton and comes in 3 yummy colors (sweet pink, mint and butter yellow). Was worried that the cotton won’t be up to expectations but I’m really delighted with the outcome. I chose the material as it is able to achieve the slightly pouffy effect and also not OTT formal. Great for all occasions! =)

FREE hair serum from Vitasence with any purchase of the ErinChocolat Label Dress!

Even prettier in real life! Colors more vibrant. My sisters and supplier love it so much that they kept one each for themselves. I can’t wait to wear this out myself. =)

2010 was off to a bad start from Day 1 with me accidentally scraping off a patch of my own facial skin (just a couple of days before actually so that on the eve I will have a nice ugly semi-dried skin right on my check and hard to camou due to the uneveness). Lot of things seem to have gone down hill since then. Work, personal stuffs, etc.

Alas, I might be able to launch one  (or 2 if I’m lucky) of my designs on Sunday 7/2/10. If nothing goes wrong that is. I’m only collecting the goods late morning on the day itself then have to rush to do photoshoot and then posting up everything. My sis’s stocks have to be sent back to the factory. Whole batch of them, as we feel they are not up to standard. Sigh. Hope mine will be ok. One design supposed to come on Tuesday but the factory made some mistakes thus got to be delayed. Argh! And due to the uncertain arrival dates, I am not able to secure several advertorial slots.

Fetching Chocolat from the vet later in the evening. Can’t wait to see him. My poor baby =(.

I must get my act together, be stong, and survive it all!

On a positive note, accompanied Monki to do hair coloring at my usual place on Tuesday. All paid by him =p. I chose a mahogany violet shade, can’t remember the exact name. Mine is only $128 + $5(CNY charge) inclusive of color, treatment and trim! Cheap right? Used to visit REDS but I find it unneccessary to spend so much on my hair after some time.

From Watson's. Only $6.90! =)

Tidbits from Daiso. Nice...

Yummy beef set meal from Japan. Miss it.

During The Simpsons movie period

3 sisters (and a weird uncle in the background =/ )

Liang Seah Street

''Don't eat me!!!''

with baby Damien during his full month celebration

I really hope problems at work can be resolved soon and also ErinChocolat’s label will be able to launch by end of January or early Feb before CNY. I’ve already missed 2 peak seasons, so worried that I will miss CNY too and then be like suay for the rest of 2010 =x (touch wood).

Anyway, most probably 2 of my designs will be ready first. A really pretty lace mandarin collared spring dress and a sweet chiffon tube dress with pleated details. They will come in happy spring hues! My sister will also be putting in a few pieces. Excitement + Nervousnes!

Korea trip post is still half done and sitting in the draft box (not to mention my Christmas and New year posts as well). The thought of uploading the pictures makes me a little queasy. Haha. And also either my camera or memory stick has gone haywire. The sequence of pictures are always jumbled up when I uploaded them to the computer. Even sometimes when I on the camera to view my pictures, the sequence is wrong to. Very exasperating. Definitely getting a new camera within the next couple of months. Going to put my Best Denki vouchers into good use =).

Lots of travelling to the other side of Singapore in the coming week =/. Why are all my ”business associates” situated so damn far away??? I’m not looking forward to the multiple taxi trips. Plus the fact that I always have work to clear every night to prepare for the following work day. Time is so precious. Arghh!

My muscle is aching from Friday’s Wii session. It’s just about an hour (maybe lesser as we took turns due to lack of controllers) and I am suffering from muscle aches! This is how unaccustomed my body is to exercise =(. Nevertheless, ”Rayman Raving Rabbits” was hilarious. Had a good laugh. Good for stress relief. But I seem to lose interest in video games quite fast though. Hmm.

Caught the movie “It’s Complicated” on Saturday night.                                                                                                             I booked it as there was no other movies available on the time slot I wanted which I have not yet seen (I watch movies almost every week). It turned out better than expected. Ending was brilliant. I am so glad that she ended up with the right guy. Was so worried that she would go back to the ex-husband. That would be just WRONG. Cheating husbands just should not have a 2nd chance no matter how sorry they are. Plus the fact that he actually chose to leave his family and married the slut!

Last but not least, my fabulous buy of the week! M)phosis slippers! Love it so much =)! Comes in yellow and nude peachy pink too. Bought the white pair as I have been looking for a nice pair of white ones for some time and it’s so easy to match! And M)phosis changed their shopping bag from the cloth to plastic kind with velcro opening. I think the velcro opening is awesome. Very handy. I always recycle their bags for my other uses.

Time to go do some research for my next trip. It’s quite therapuetic to surf travel sites and see happy travellers reviews and the beautiful pictures they took. Quite amusing to see the reviews of grumpy unsatisfied ones too =p. Together with a steaming cup of green tea and a piece of cake, that’s bliss at it’s simpliest form to me.